Sunday, December 4, 2011
Sunday, June 12, 2011
Project Manager is a Person who thinks nine women can deliver a baby in One month.
Developer is a Person who thinks it will take 18 months to deliver a Baby.
Onsite Coordinator is one who thinks single woman can deliver nine babies in one month.
Client is the one who doesn't know why he wants a baby.
Marketing Manager is a person who thinks he can deliver a baby even if no man and woman are available.
Resource Optimization Team thinks they don't need a man or woman; they'll produce a child with zero resources.
Documentation Team thinks they don't care whether the child is delivered, they'll just document 9 months.
Quality Auditor is the person who is never happy with a delivered baby.
Tester is a person who always tells that this is not the Right baby.
HR Manager is a person who thinks that... a Donkey can deliver a Human Baby - if given 9 Months !!!
Tuesday, November 2, 2010
The woodcutter and The axe (Remix version-The Software Engineer and The Machine)
0 comments Posted by Deepak at 12:16 PM
Once upon a time, there was a software engineer who used to develop programs on his Pentium machine, sitting under a tree on the banks of a river. He used to earn his bread by selling those programs in the Sunday market.
One day, while he was working, his machine tumbled off the table and fell in the river. Encouraged by the Panchatantra story of his childhood (the woodcutter and the axe), he started praying to the River Goddess. The River Goddess wanted to test him and so appeared only after one month of rigorous prayers. The engineer told her that he had lost his computer in the river.
As usual, the Goddess wanted to test his honesty. She showed him a match box and asked, "Is this your computer ?" Disappointed by the Goddess' lack of computer awareness, the engineer replied, "No."
She next showed him a pocket-sized calculator and asked if that was his. Annoyed, the engineer said "No, not at all!!"
Finally, she came up with his own Pentium machine and asked if it was his. The engineer, left with no option, sighed and said "Yes."
The River Goddess was happy with his honesty. She was about to give him all three items, but before she could make the offer, the engineer asked her, "Don't you know that you're supposed to show me some better computers before bringing up my own ?"
The River Goddess, angered at this, replied, "I know that, you stupid donkey! The first two things I showed you were the Trillennium and the Billennium, the latest computers from IBM !". So saying, she disappeared with the Pentium!!
.........................................................................................
Moral : If you're not up-to-date with technology trends, it's better to keep your mouth shut and let people think you're a fool than to open your mouth and remove all doubt.
Thursday, April 29, 2010
"I am arrive by passenger train Ahmedpur station and my belly is too much swelling with jackfruit. I am therefore went to privy. Just I doing the nuisance that guard making whistle blow for train to go off and I am running with lotah in one hand and dhoti in the next when I am fall over and expose all my shocking to man and female women on platform. I am got leaved at Ahmedpur station. This too much bad, if passenger go to make dung that dam guard not wait train five minutes for him. I am therefore pray your honour to make big fine on that guard for public sake. Otherwise I am making big report to the papers."
Okhil Chandra Sen wrote this letter to the Sahibganj divisional railway office in 1909. It is on display at the Railway Museum in New Delhi. It was also reproduced under the caption "Travelers' Tales" in the Far Eastern Economic Review. Any guesses why this letter was of historic value?
It apparently led to the introduction of toilets on trains!
Thursday, April 22, 2010
Friday, January 8, 2010
Tuesday, December 8, 2009
What will happen after 3 yrs from now if cognizant, infosys, tcs keep on recruiting at the current pace in India?
Wednesday, November 4, 2009
And the winner is
INDIAN National Highway Department (Painting Division)
Thursday, August 6, 2009
A different Love letter and a beautiful reply to it.
A teenage college guy sent a love letter (in Q/A format) to his classmate.
My Dearest Reshma,
Please answer the following questionnaire. Select (a), (b) or (c)
1) Whenever you enter the class room, your sight always falls on me because:
(a) of love
(b) you couldn't control seeing me
(c) really ... am I doing it?
2) Whenever professor cracks joke, you laugh and turn and look at me because:
(a) you always like to see me smiling
(b) you are testing whether I like jokes
(c) you are attracted by my smile
3) When you were singing in the class, I entered and immediately you stopped singing because:
(a) you are so coy to sing before me
(b) my presence influenced you
(c) you feared that whether I'll like your song
4) When you were showing your childhood photo, when I asked for it, you hide it because:
(a) you felt ashamed
(b) you felt uneasy
(c) you don't know
5) During trekking, myself and my friend gave you hand for lifting you and you took only my friend's because:
(a) you enjoyed my disappointment
(b) you won't feel leaving my hand after grabbing
(c) you don't know
6) You were waiting yesterday for bus and didn't get into your bus...
(a) you were waiting for me
(b) you were dreaming about me and didn't notice the bus
(c) that bus was crowded
7) You introduced me to your parents when they came to college because:
(a) I am going to be your groom
(b) you just want to know what your parents think about me
(c) just you felt like introducing me to them
8) I told that I like girls wearing roses. Next day, you came with a rose on your head because:
(a) to fulfill my wish
(b) you like roses
(c) by chance you got a rose
9) On that day, it was my birthday. you too came to temple early at 6:00 A.M because:
(a) you want to pray along with me
(b) you want to meet me before any one could meet on my birthday
(c) you want to wish me at temple because you are spiritual.
Your score:
For Options
(A) 10 marks,
(b) 5marks and
(c) 3 marks.
If you have scored more than 40, then you are loving me. Don't delay in expressing it.
If you have scored between 30 and 40, love is budding in your heart and it's getting ready to bloom. If you have scored less than 30, you are in confusion whether to love me or not.
Eagerly awaiting your reply..
Love, Aakash
Reshma's reply letter was also in Q/A format......
Aakash,
Please answer the following Yes/No questionnaire.
1) If somebody sits in the first row, normally people entering the class, sees them.
(a) Yes (b) No
2) If a girl laughs and looks anyone, is it love?
(a) Yes (b) No
3) While singing, if somebody forgets lines of the songs, will he/she stop singing or not?
(a) Yes (b) No
4) I was showing to my friends (who are all girls) my childhood photo.
You poked your nose inside..... right ?
(a) Yes (b) No
5) I avoided to hold your hand during trekking. Couldn't you understand yet?
(a) Yes (b) No
6) Should I not wait for my best friend (Anjali) at the bus stand?
(a)Yes (b) No
7) Shouldn't I introduce you to my parents as a friend?
(a) Yes (b) No
8) You have said you also like Lotus, cauliflower, banana's flower. Is it true ?
(a) Yes (b) No
9) Oh was that your birthday. That's why I could see you in temple. I come daily to Temple. Do you know ?
(a) Yes (b) No
If you have answered "Yes" to any of the question, then I am not loving you. If you have answered "No", then you don't know the meaning of Love.
Hope everything is clear to you!
Saturday, July 4, 2009
I read a really good Sardar Joke in the tamil weekly magazine Kumudam. Here's the english version for you.
A Sardarji comes up to the Pakistan border on his bike. He's got two large bags over his shoulders. The guard Iqbal stops him and says, What's in the bags?'
'Sand,' answered the Sardarji.
Iqbal says, 'We'll just see about that. Get off the bike. Iqbal's guards take the bags and rips them apart; empty them out and find nothing in them but sand. He detains the Sardarji overnight and has the sand analyzed, only to discover that there is nothing but pure sand in the bags. Iqbal releases the Sardarji, puts the sand into new bags, heaves them on to the Sardarji 's shoulders, and lets him cross the border.
A week later, the same thing happens. Iqbal asks, 'What have you got?
'Sand,' says the Sardarji. Iqbal does his thorough examination and discovers that the bags contain nothing but sand. He gives the sand back to the Sardarji, and crosses the border on his bike. This sequence of events is repeated every day for three years.
Finally, the Sardarji, doesn't show up and one day and the guard meets him in a 'dhaba' in Islamabad. 'Hey, Buddy,' says Iqbal, 'I know you are smuggling something. It's driving me crazy. It's all I think about...I can't sleep. Just between you and me, what are you smuggling?'
The Sardarji, sips his Lassi and says, 'bikes'. . . . . . . . . . . .
An Indian walks into a New York City bank and asks to see the loan officer. He says he is going to Europe on business for two weeks and needs to borrow $5,000. The bank officer says the bank will need some kind of security for such a loan, so the man hands over the keys of a new Rolls Royce parked on the street in front of the bank.
Everything is checked out, and the bank agrees to accept the car as collateral for the loan. An employee drives the Rolls into the bank's underground garage and parks it there. Two weeks later, the man returns, repays the $5,000 and the interest, which comes to $15.
The loan officer says, "We are very happy to have had your Business, and this transaction has worked out very nicely, but we are little puzzled.
While you were away, we checked you out and found that u are a multimillionaire. What puzzles us is why would you bother to borrow $5,000?"
The Indian replied," Where else in New York can I park my car for two weeks for 15 bucks?"
Proud to be an Indian !!!
Article from: http://arun-kumaar.blogspot.com/2009/03/indian-brain.html
Sunday, June 21, 2009
Here's a wonderful website, which lets you find out amongst two keywords, which is the most searched.
Here it shows a short fight between two stickmen and then it shows the result.
A good way to find out which keyword is searched more in Google.
Google Fight
Friday, June 12, 2009
Read this in singer Chinmayi's blog. It was pretty cool.
Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right and the other is the husband!
Don't marry the person you want to live with, marry the one you cannot live without, but whatever you do, you'll regret it later.
You can't buy love, but you pay heavily for it.
(Especially this one!!) Bad officials are elected by good citizens who do not vote.
Those who can't laugh at themselves leave the job to others.
A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person.
Woman: Is there any way for long life?
Doctor: Get married..
Woman: Will it help?
Doctor: No, but then the thought of long life will never come.
It's funny when people discuss Love Marriage vs Arranged. It's like asking someone, if suicide is better or being murdered.
Source:Loved this....!
Friday, May 22, 2009
A bookie calls Shane Warne before the match between Kolkata KnightRiders and Rajasthan Royals.
Cell phone rings. Warne picks up.
Warne : hello
Bookie : I am ….... Here.
Warne : yes tell me
Bookie : how is the pitch
Warne : ya dry and good for batting
Bookie : I want u to loose today’s match
Warne : impossible
Bookie : I will pay u $200,000
Warne : will be difficult to make KKR win.
Bookie : I will pay u $250,000
Warne : May be I could help you by reducing the margin… u tell by what margin we should win… will be much more easier
Bookie : no KKR should win
Warne : OK. I will try my best
Bookie : no make it.
Warne : OK.
Bookie : what will be the score
Warne : 200, if we bat first
Bookie : no make it 120
Warne : Impossible. Agarkar and Kartik are playing.
Bookie : 120 no change.
Warne : I will try
Bookie : OK. If KKR bat first
Warne : 110
Bookie : no make it 175
Warne : no u are asking too much. Ganguli is playing.
Bookie : OK make it $300,000
Warne : This would be the toughest match in my life
Bookie : OK, deal is made.
Warne : yes
Bookie : bye.
Match starts KKR bats first. KKR score only 120 in 20 overs. During the lunch break Shane’s cell rings.
Warne : hello
Bookie : its me. why did KKR score only 120. Our deal was 175.
Warne : What can I do ? They run one when they could run three, defend full toss, get out on wide balls, all catches and shots… I mean, if there is any… exactly directed to the fielders. But I will tell you this, Knight Riders are too good at this , I tried re-arranging the field…but they never miss a fielder.
Bookie : still u could bowl more no-balls. We got only 53 extras.
Warne : I asked all my bowlers to bowl badly. I also made Smith and Asnodkar bowl.
Bookie : Okay… leave that… I want u to loose the match.
Warne : I will try.
Bookie : Rajasthan Royals should be all out for 110
Warne : OK.
Bookie : bye.
Warne is ready to face the last over his cell rings (he plays with his cell).
Warne : hello
Bookie : its me! . What are you upto ?
Warne : We tried the best we could
Bookie : OK forget it. I want u to loose the match
Warne : what can I do. Fate !!! Agarkar is bowling
Bookie : I don’t know… u are loosing
Agarkar bowls… Warne tries to hide his bat behind his back. But the ball hits the bat and goes to third man. So they take a single.
(cell rings)
Warne : sorry what can I do I was hiding my bat but still the ball comes and hit my bat. If I play much worse than this everybody will find out.
Bookie : (gets really tensed). OK I can understand. But please don’t take last two runs.
Warne talks to Carseldine. Agarkar bowls… a juicy full toss. Carseldine uses all his batting skills to restrict that one to a single. Scores are level.
(cell rings)
Bookie : OK. Past is past. Atleast finish it in a tie. I don’t know what u are going to do u are not taking a single or u give u’r bat to the umpire.
Warne : OK. OK. Don’t worry this time I will! see to it we are not taking the single. Let it be obvious also. I am not taking the single.
Agarkar bowls, unfortunately he bowls a no ball. RR wins the match.
Bookie goes mad and Shane warne faints in the field itself.
Moral – With a team like KKR, who needs to fix a match
Sunday, April 12, 2009
The mule answered, "To live like this for 50 years is too much. Please, give me no more than 20." And it was so.
Then God created the dog, and told him, "You will hold vigilance over the dwellings of Man, to whom you will be his greatest companion. You will eat his table scraps and live for 25 years."
And the dog responded, "Lord, to live 25 years as a dog like that is too much. Please, no more than 10 years." And it was so.
God then created the monkey, and told him, "You are monkey. You shall swing from tree to tree, acting like an idiot. You will be funny, and you shall live for 20 years."
And the monkey responded, "Lord, to live 20 years as the clown of the world is too much. Please, Lord, give me no more than 10 years." And it was so.
Finally, God created Man and told him, "You are Man, the only rational being that walks the earth. You will use your intelligence to have mastery over the creatures of the world. You will dominate the earth and live for 20 years."
And the man responded, "Lord, to be Man for only 20 years is too little. Please, Lord, give me the 30 years the mule refused, the 15 years the dog refused, and the 10 years the monkey rejected." And it was so.
And so God made Man to live 20 years as a man, then marry and live 30 years like a mule working and carrying heavy loads on his back. Then, he is to have children and live 15 years as a dog, guarding his house and eating the leftovers after they empty the pantry; then, in his old age, to live 10 years as a monkey, acting like an idiot to amuse his grand children.
Tuesday, December 23, 2008
Husband - hey dear, I am logged in.
Wife - would you like to have some snacks?
Husband - hard disk full.
Wife - have you brought the saree.
Husband - Bad command or file name.
Wife - but I told you about it in morning
Husband - erroneous syntax, abort, retry, cancel.
Wife - hae bhagwan !forget it where's your salary.
Husband - file in use, read only, try after some time.
Wife - at least give me your credit card, I can do some shopping.
Husband - sharing violation, access denied.
Wife - I made a mistake in marrying you.
Husband - data type mismatch.
Wife - you are useless.
Husband - by default.
Wife - who was there with you in the car this morning?
Husband - system unstable press ctrl, alt, del to Reboot.
Wife - what is the relation between you & your Receptionist?
Husband - the only user with write permission.
Wife - what is my value in your life?
Husband - unknown virus detected.
Wife - do you love me or your computer?
Husband - Too many parameters.
Wife - I will go to my dad's house.
Husband - program performed illegal operation, it will Close.
Wife - I will leave you forever.
Husband - close all programs and log out for another User.
Wife - it is worthless talking to you.
Husband - shut down the computer.
Wife - I am going
Husband - Its now safe to turn off your computer
A farmer would definitely be happy if he has such a banana plant....
Wednesday, December 3, 2008
George Bush was sitting in his office wondering whom to invade next when his telephone rang.
'Hello, Mr. Bush!' a heavily accented voice said, 'This is Gurmukh from Phagwara, District Kapurthala, Punjab .. I am ringing to inform you that we are officially declaring the war on you!'
'Well, Gurmukh,' Bush replied, 'This is indeed important news! How big is your army'
'Right now,' said Gurmukh, after a moment's calculation, 'there is myself, my cousin Sukhdev, my next door neighbor, and the entire kabaddi team from the gurudwara. That makes eight'
Bush paused. 'I must tell you, Gurmukh that I have one million men in my army waiting to move on my command.'
'Arrey O! Main kya..' said Gurmukh. 'I'll have to ring you back!'
Sure enough, the next day, Gurmukh called again.
'Mr. Bush, it is Gurmukh, I'm calling from Phagwara STD, the war is still on! We have managed to acquire some infantry equipment!'
'And what equipment would that be, Gurmukh' Bush asked.
'Well, we have two combines, a donkey and Amrik's tractor.'
Bush sighed. 'I must tell you, Gurmukh, that I have 16,000 tanks and 14,000 armored personnel carriers. Also, I've increased my army to 1-1/2 million since we last spoke.'
'Oh teri....' said Gurmukh. 'I'll have to get back to you.'
Sure enough, Gurmukh rang again the next day.
'Mr. Bush, the war is still on! We have managed to get ourselves airborne...... We've modified Amrik's tractor by adding a couple of shotguns, sticking on some wings and the pind's generator. Four school pass boys from Malpur have joined us as well!'
Bush was silent for a minute and then cleared his throat. 'I must tell you, Gurmukh, that I have 10,000 bombers and 20,000 fighter planes. My military complex is surrounded by laser-guided, surface-to-air missile sites. And since we last spoke, I've increased my army to TWO MILLION!'
'Tera pala hove....' said Gurmuk, 'I'll have to ring you back.'
Sure enough, Gurmukh called again the next day.
'Kiddan, Mr.Bush! I am sorry to tell you that we have had to call off the war.'
'I'm sorry to hear that,' said Bush. 'Why the sudden change of heart'
'Well,' said Gurmukh, 'we've all had a long chat over a couple of lassi's, and decided there's no way we can feed two million prisoners of wars!'
NOW THAT'S CALLED PUNJABI CONFIDENCE
