Sunday, June 12, 2011
Project Manager is a Person who thinks nine women can deliver a baby in One month.
Developer is a Person who thinks it will take 18 months to deliver a Baby.
Onsite Coordinator is one who thinks single woman can deliver nine babies in one month.
Client is the one who doesn't know why he wants a baby.
Marketing Manager is a person who thinks he can deliver a baby even if no man and woman are available.
Resource Optimization Team thinks they don't need a man or woman; they'll produce a child with zero resources.
Documentation Team thinks they don't care whether the child is delivered, they'll just document 9 months.
Quality Auditor is the person who is never happy with a delivered baby.
Tester is a person who always tells that this is not the Right baby.
HR Manager is a person who thinks that... a Donkey can deliver a Human Baby - if given 9 Months !!!
Labels: Fun
Thursday, January 13, 2011
One night President Obama and his wife Michelle decided to do something out of routine and go for a casual dinner at a restaurant that wasn't too luxurious.
When they were seated, the owner of the restaurant asked the president's secret service if he could please speak to the First Lady in private. They obliged and Michelle had a conversation with the owner.
Following this conversation President Obama asked Michelle why he was so interested in talking to her. She mentioned that in her teenage years, he had been madly in love with her.
President Obama then said, " Oh, so if you had married him, you would now be the owner of this lovely restaurant" , to which Michelle responded, "No, if I had married him, he would now be the President"
Labels: Short Stories (Others)
Wednesday, November 3, 2010
Labels: Puzzles
Tuesday, November 2, 2010
Try moving the frogs at one end to the other end!
Labels: Game
This picture was taken on the banks of Sumatra Island (the height of waves was of approx. 32 m = 105 ft).
It was found saved in a digital camera, 1 ½ years after the disaster.
We cannot know for sure, but very likely the one who took the picture is not alive any more (it was just a matter of seconds).
Today we can see the last image he/ she saw before ending life on this part of planet Earth!
It makes us understand that we are small when nature strikes!
It was found saved in a digital camera, 1 ½ years after the disaster.
We cannot know for sure, but very likely the one who took the picture is not alive any more (it was just a matter of seconds).
Today we can see the last image he/ she saw before ending life on this part of planet Earth!
It makes us understand that we are small when nature strikes!
Labels: Photography
The woodcutter and The axe (Remix version-The Software Engineer and The Machine)
0 comments Posted by Deepak at 12:16 PMOnce upon a time, there was a software engineer who used to develop programs on his Pentium machine, sitting under a tree on the banks of a river. He used to earn his bread by selling those programs in the Sunday market.
One day, while he was working, his machine tumbled off the table and fell in the river. Encouraged by the Panchatantra story of his childhood (the woodcutter and the axe), he started praying to the River Goddess. The River Goddess wanted to test him and so appeared only after one month of rigorous prayers. The engineer told her that he had lost his computer in the river.
As usual, the Goddess wanted to test his honesty. She showed him a match box and asked, "Is this your computer ?" Disappointed by the Goddess' lack of computer awareness, the engineer replied, "No."
She next showed him a pocket-sized calculator and asked if that was his. Annoyed, the engineer said "No, not at all!!"
Finally, she came up with his own Pentium machine and asked if it was his. The engineer, left with no option, sighed and said "Yes."
The River Goddess was happy with his honesty. She was about to give him all three items, but before she could make the offer, the engineer asked her, "Don't you know that you're supposed to show me some better computers before bringing up my own ?"
The River Goddess, angered at this, replied, "I know that, you stupid donkey! The first two things I showed you were the Trillennium and the Billennium, the latest computers from IBM !". So saying, she disappeared with the Pentium!!
.........................................................................................
Moral : If you're not up-to-date with technology trends, it's better to keep your mouth shut and let people think you're a fool than to open your mouth and remove all doubt.
Labels: Fun
I was sitting on the footpath right outside my hostel building with all my bags packed, waiting for the golf cart which had to drop me till the gate of the Infosys campus in Mysore. I looked at the surroundings. Road was empty and there was no one around. All the trainees were attending classes as it was around eleven in the morning. A lovely breeze was blowing and I could see some birds frisking, frolicking and playing pranks with each other but I was alone. I was alone when all my friends were in the class. Now even the birds, the wind and the trees had started teasing me.
I couldn't resist myself from shedding another drop of tear although I'd been doing the same the whole last night. Of course, I was checking out but that was not the only reason for the tears. It was something much bigger than that and very much contemptible. I was not leaving the campus after completing my training but I'd been expelled from the company. Or I can say, I was being thrown out. I felt like dying.
Then appeared the white colored cart coming from the road adjoining Food Court 2. The cart reminded me of my first day in the campus and took me into the past for sometime.
What a lovely evening that was? How excited I was when I put my first step into the heaven called as Mysore campus of Infosys and was completely engrossed with the thoughts of future that what I will do and how I'll enjoy in the campus. First thing that came to my mind that day was to explore the campus and locate all those places I'd seen in those lovely photographs. I sat into the golf cart which took me through some long and winding but neat and clean roads. The first building I noticed was that football shaped spherical building which appeared behind the lush green cricket ground on the right side of the road. In fact that was the only building I'd seen before coming here but I was amazed to see a building on the left which was under construction. It was absolutely phenomenal and resembled the Colosseum of Rome. There was another one which resembled the White House but wasn't white in color. Some guy in the Cart told that it is GEC or the Global Education Centre where we'll go through our training.
The cart stopped at a small building inside which there was a kind of a reception. We got our luggage checked and room was allotted to me. The guy sitting next to me in the cab was to be my room mate. His name was Varun and was a tall but slim guy from Punjab with a lot of beard on his face looked as if he's not shaved since ages but that really gave him a typical Punjabi looks. I was just thinking how someone like me from Gujarat will stay with such a guy who doesn't even bother to shave his face. Then we were sent to our hostel in another cart. We just found out that our hostel is nearest to FC2 and moreover, the hostel right next to us was a girl hostel. That Punjabi straight away planned to buy a new binocular so that he could easily peep into girls' rooms during night.
I opened the door of my room and could not believe my eyes. It was the best room I'd ever seen with my own eyes and was just exhilarated with the thought that I'd be staying here for next few months though with some one who looked to be very unhygienic. But that was not a problem at all coz like all the Punjabis Varun was quite nice at heart. We just kept our bags and explored the whole campus. We saw the lovely swimming pool, Gymnasium, Bowling alley, Market and Habib's haircutting saloon from where Varun got his beard trimmed.
The classes started and we were made to sit in a big room having a huge white board with a couple of projector screens in the front and opposite to that were numerous seats each having a separate computer system. I was made to sit in the third row and luckily between a couple of girls though both of them had just ordinary looks. Later I came to know that we were made to sit alphabetically when I got introduced with both those gals. One was Ganmeet from Punjab and the other was Geetha from Mangalore and sandwiched between them was me, Gaurav Keswani from Vadodra.
Both those gals were quite antithetical in their behavior, style, knowledge and everything they did. Where Ganmeet was quite simple, Geetha was stylish like all ultra-mod and hap Bangalore gals. Ganmeet was calm, composed and reserve but Geetha was dynamic and extrovert. And most importantly, Ganmeet was good in her logics and a very strong programmer and Geetha was a contrast in this matter too. This I realized when she asked me to debug her first C-language assignment. I was shocked to see the code. She had put the include statement within main. God, she was a B.Tech in comp. science. But her cute and embarrassed smile was clearly accepting her weakness. I helped her and this became a routine. Within in no time we grew very close to each other. We used to have the meals together, we used to study together, we used to watch the movies together and we used to go out together. Our friendship grew more intense when she flunked in the first module test of C language but I got an ‘A' and so did Ganmeet. But my roomy, Varun had also flunked. So Geetha and Varun they both had to appear for the re-test. Everyday I used to teach them and make them practice more and more. Now we were like a group. Four of us started staying together as Varun and Ganmeet, both being punjabi's grew very close to each other. Now instead of me, it was Ganmeet who taught him.
Then came the retest. I and Ganmeet were waiting for both of them outside the hall. Varun came out happily clearly showing that he'd cleared and he did. Many came out but she was still in. I was getting worried as only I knew that the hopes were less. It was the last minute when she came out jumping and without speaking a word threw her self on me and kissed on my cheeks. Many had seen but all knew what had happened. I was stunned and so were Varun and Ganmeet. It was obvious for a guy who never had any gal in his life and was kissed by a hot south Indian gal in front of whole batch. But she took it as a very normal thing and I pretended the same.
"Its all because of you Gaurav, that I've cleared it. Hats off to you sweetheart", she said.
We were not into any sort of relationship but that's how she used to call me and in fact all her close friends. But there was nothing wrong in it and I enjoyed it. We grew more and more close to each other. She took care of me in every sense: my dressing, my eating and what ever I did. She told me many things about gals which I'd never known.
On the next weekend she took me to Bangalore where she'd done her engineering degree. We met many of her friends, my friends and went to famous markets and malls of the city. One thing I could say, she'd a very happening friend circle. In the evening we went to a pub where both of us danced after gulping a couple of beer mugs. The dance grew more and more passionate with time. It was my first time in a pub but she was quite used to it. Next evening we left for Mysore which is a three hour journey from Bangalore. But there I'd spent the best weekend of my life.
On the way, we talked about everything on the earth. Then she kept her head on my shoulder and held me which I could say was half a hug. I just responded. I'd never sat like this with a gal ever in my life. Everything was so nice and tender. Time seemed like flying. I wished I could've been like this forever. I'd fallen in love with her.
"You know what Gaurav", she said.
"What?" I asked.
"You remember that guy Raghav, whom we met in Garuda mall."
"Yeah! Why?"
"We've been in love for last 3 years and yesterday we planned to marry." she said shyly.
It was all over for me. Ground escaped underneath my feet. I just got away from her in a flash and asked, "Why didn't you tell me earlier?"
"I thought I'll tell you after you meet him. I hope I wasn't wrong?"
"No.. You are right. Anyways Congrats" I said, sounding very low.
"Thanks." she said.
No one spoke a word after that for next one hour. She was busy with her iPod and I was with my novel when suddenly she asked," What happened Gaurav? Why are you so quiet?"
"Nothing", I said.
She kept on asking again and again but I'd the same answer until she got irritated and said," you are telling me or not?"
"Its of no use dear. You can't do anything about it." I said and rightly so. I loved her and she loved someone else whom she was going to marry.
"Well, let me make 3 guesses." She said in a very naughty tone and I agreed.
"Ok. Hmmmmmmm. You didn't enjoy with me at Bangalore?" she asked.
I shook my head straight away. Both of us knew that this wasn't the reason. I thought she was just trying to change my mood.
"thennnn. U didn't like Raghav?"
Now she was coming to the point. This was somewhat the reason but not the exact one.
"Hey. He's quite good yaar and both of u make a nice couple. And it's your life; I don't have to marry him. So, last guess now." I replied.
"Then… you've a liking for me?" She said smiling.
I was caught. In fact clean bowled. She'd hit the bull eye. I turned red. I tried my level best to control my expressions and said,"No way yaar. I don't like to call engaged nos."
"Ohhhhh. Mr. Gaurav keswani think about it again."
I had to admit it now. And this time she laughed. I asked the reason but again she laughed. I was perplexed at her enigmatic laugh. Finally she spoke.
"You know what my stupid."
"What?" I inquired filled with curiosity.
"Raghav and I are just friends you dumb."
She broke into chuckles again. I was confused and even I'd started smiling now and finally started laughing with her.
This time I held her and said, "I love you Geetha."
"I love you too stupid. And did all this coz I know that you were not going to propose me easily" She replied.
We both fell in each other's arms and waited for our destination. Finally Geetha was mine. It was the happiest day of my life. We reached Mysore campus and again got busy into our same daily routine: attending the classes, completing assignments, studying in the class after dinner, going for long walks. I always used to thank god for the life he'd given me. Module tests came and went. I kept on getting ‘A' grades and she somehow managed to clear them. Both of us were quite happy. We made a few trips with Varun and Ganmeet to Ooty, Coorg and Mangalore which was Geetha's home town. We met her parents there who were very humble but her little sister was naughty like her.
Now we had entered the last month of our training. Shortly we were going to have our comprehensive exam which was a mixture of all the modules which we'd studied so far. It also included a practical exam in which we'd to complete a project within 3 hours and it was the toughest thing especially for someone like Geetha. The day for compre came. All of us cleared it but Geetha. Both of us were very depressed. Now she'd to appear for it again. Actually compre is the most important part of the training. If you don't clear it your training won't complete. Now retest was the only hope for her.
Retest was the very next day. We were going to classroom after dinner. And suddenly she started crying.
"Gaurav. I really love you." She said.
"I love you too sweetu. Don't cry. Everything would be ok. I'm there for you. I won't let you flunk again." I consoled her.
"No. I will because there's no way out. And we'll be separated forever. "
"No dear. It won't ever happen" I said and took her in my arms.
"Gaurav. Can you do something for me?" She asked.
"Of course my love. My whole life is yours." I said.
"You'll have to sit along with me tomorrow. You know every one does it. Meenal's boyfriend helped her out that's why she cleared. I hope Even I can expect this much from my love." She said.
I was drowned into deep thinking because it was really risky, In fact very risky. We could've been thrown out of the company if caught. But on the other side was my love. What I would do in the company without her because if she fails she'd be out, I thought. Then I just looked into matter carefully that these people never count the number of candidates appearing for a test and how many are extra. Then I thought that I'll sit on another system and complete the project and submit on Geetha's employee id.
The day came; we all were sitting in the class room. I was sitting a bit far from her and finally we got the project. It was not at all tough for me. I started working on it and had completed almost half when Srikkanth.M entered into the classroom. He was our batch owner, just like a class teacher in schools. Don't know how but he'd got the report that no. of candidates appearing were more than the no. in the list. I was shocked. It was a dead end to my career. Coming time won't be easy for me and I'll have to face a lot, I thought. I look at Geetha's face. She was looking as lovely and innocent as ever. But she too was badly shocked. But don't know why, I wasn't afraid. Love had given me a special courage and I was doing it for my love, no one else. So what if I'm caught. Srikkanth knew me quite well as I was among those who'd got 100/100 in his module, java. He looked at me straight away and called me.
Srikkanth himself was shocked when he found me as the culprit. But he was helpless as company is very strict against the cheating cases. He asked me again and again the name of the guy for whom I'm screwing up my career. But how would've I named my love. I didn't speak a word. He insisted again and again that Infosys needed brains like me but I would not listen. Finally he gave up and reported to HR department. The same question was asked again and again from me but my love was the most important thing in the world for me now. They then asked me to write a resignation letter and I did the same. I was fired.
Someone's strange voice hit my ears and I came out of the world of my thoughts. I was still sitting on the footpath and looking at the trees and the birds.
"Come on sir. Sit in the cart." Cart driver said.
"Oh yes. Lets go." I replied and left the campus and the company for ever.
Now you all must be having one question your mind. That what about Geetha? Geetha cleared the exam. I think I had taught her enough and rest she cheated from the guy who was sitting next to her. I waited for her call after the incident but she didn't. I called her but she didn't attend my call. And most interesting thing is that it has been 8 months since that incident but we never had a talk.
I don't know whether this story is true or fictional nor the author of this story! But it was a wonderful read that I wanted to share with you.
Labels: Short Stories (Others)
'Stewardesses' is the longest word typed with only the left hand and 'lollipop' with your right. (Bet you tried this out mentally, didn't you?)
No word in the English language rhymes with month, orange, silver, or purple.
'Dreamt' is the only English word that ends in the letters 'mt'. (Are you doubting this?)
Our eyes are always the same size from birth, but our nose and ears never stop growing.
The sentence: 'The quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog' uses every letter of the alphabet. (Now, you KNOW you're going to try this out for accuracy, right?)
The words 'racecar,' 'kayak' and 'level' are the same whether they are read left to right or right to left (palindromes). (Yep, I knew you were going to 'do' this one.)
There are only four words in the English language which end in 'dous': tremendous, horrendous, stupendous, and hazardous. (You're not doubting this, are you?)
There are two words in the English language that have all five vowels in order: 'abstemious' and 'facetious.' (Yes, admit it, you are going to say . a e i o u)
TYPEWRITER is the longest word that can be made using the letters only on one row of the keyboard. (All you typists are going to test this out)
A cat has 32 muscles in each ear.
A goldfish has a memory span of three seconds. (Some days that's about what my memory span is)
A 'jiffy' is an actual unit of time for 1/100th of a second.
A shark is the only fish that can blink with both eyes.
A snail can sleep for three years. (I know some people that could do this too.)
Almonds are a member of the peach family.
An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.
Babies are born without kneecaps They don't appear until the child reaches 2 to 6 years of age.
February 1865 is the only month in recorded history not to have a full moon.
In the last 4,000 years, no new animals have been domesticated.
If the population of China walked past you, 8 abreast, the line would never end because of the rate of reproduction.
Leonardo Da Vinci invented the scissors.
Peanuts are one of the ingredients of dynamite!
Rubber bands last longer when refrigerated.
The average person's left hand does 56% of the typing.
The cruise liner, QE2, moves only six inches for each gallon of diesel that it burns.
The microwave was invented after a researcher walked by a radar tube and a chocolate bar melted in his pocket. (Good thing he did that)
The winter of 1932 was so cold that Niagara Falls froze completely solid.
There are more chickens than people in the world.
Winston Churchill was born in a ladies' room during a dance.
Women blink nearly twice as much as men.
These facts reminds me, "Known is a drop, unknown is an ocean!"
No word in the English language rhymes with month, orange, silver, or purple.
'Dreamt' is the only English word that ends in the letters 'mt'. (Are you doubting this?)
Our eyes are always the same size from birth, but our nose and ears never stop growing.
The sentence: 'The quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog' uses every letter of the alphabet. (Now, you KNOW you're going to try this out for accuracy, right?)
The words 'racecar,' 'kayak' and 'level' are the same whether they are read left to right or right to left (palindromes). (Yep, I knew you were going to 'do' this one.)
There are only four words in the English language which end in 'dous': tremendous, horrendous, stupendous, and hazardous. (You're not doubting this, are you?)
There are two words in the English language that have all five vowels in order: 'abstemious' and 'facetious.' (Yes, admit it, you are going to say . a e i o u)
TYPEWRITER is the longest word that can be made using the letters only on one row of the keyboard. (All you typists are going to test this out)
A cat has 32 muscles in each ear.
A goldfish has a memory span of three seconds. (Some days that's about what my memory span is)
A 'jiffy' is an actual unit of time for 1/100th of a second.
A shark is the only fish that can blink with both eyes.
A snail can sleep for three years. (I know some people that could do this too.)
Almonds are a member of the peach family.
An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.
Babies are born without kneecaps They don't appear until the child reaches 2 to 6 years of age.
February 1865 is the only month in recorded history not to have a full moon.
In the last 4,000 years, no new animals have been domesticated.
If the population of China walked past you, 8 abreast, the line would never end because of the rate of reproduction.
Leonardo Da Vinci invented the scissors.
Peanuts are one of the ingredients of dynamite!
Rubber bands last longer when refrigerated.
The average person's left hand does 56% of the typing.
The cruise liner, QE2, moves only six inches for each gallon of diesel that it burns.
The microwave was invented after a researcher walked by a radar tube and a chocolate bar melted in his pocket. (Good thing he did that)
The winter of 1932 was so cold that Niagara Falls froze completely solid.
There are more chickens than people in the world.
Winston Churchill was born in a ladies' room during a dance.
Women blink nearly twice as much as men.
These facts reminds me, "Known is a drop, unknown is an ocean!"
Labels: Facts
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