Thursday, November 29, 2007

After the successful attempt in making a poem,I am now posting my first short story.I have so far had no luck with long stories in any language(English and tamil).I have started 3 stories,written about 10 chapters then stopped it because of some reason.So I thought,"Why to try big stories and stop it?" Instead,I have written a short story!

The name of my story is THE INFINITE LOOP.You would agree with the title once you have finished reading the story.I would regard this as my best post till date.

THE INFINITE LOOP



"Hmmm…. Hmmm…" I heard a voice so familiar to me.

"Hello......."I started.

But I was rudely interrupted by the lady who made that sound. I had seen her somewhere. But I was unable to recall.

"Listen I don't have time. Nor, you have. All you have to do now is read this letter. It would be useful for you in your future, if you have a future."

This statement confused me.

"What do you mean by this?",I asked.

"You are caught in a time wrap Deepak, Just like my brother. You read this!", she insisted.

"I should leave this place soon or else I would enter into trouble. Read it", she again insisted and left in a flash.

I took a firm breath of air, opened the letter and started reading the letter.

Hi Deepak! My name is Deepak too. I knew that you are caught in a time wrap. The same incidents are repeating in your life again and again. I know this because I am suffering from the same problem too.

I stopped reading.

It's more than a coincidence. First, the person's name is same as mine. Now he has same problem as me. I had no other go except reading that letter. So, I continued reading.

You don't have much time. Why do you stop reading?

I was taken by surprise. Is he reading my mind? I continued reading.

I am not mind reading, friend. You will understand it once you completely read what I have written in this letter.

As I was saying, I am suffering from the same problem with which you are suffering. It all started when I met that girl. I had seen her when she was a kid (I was a kid too).Her name is Anandhi. She had come back to her grand parents' home (she used to live there when she was a kid).I desperately wanted to meet her. She knew me already (we used to play monopoly when we were kids). We were close friends. But there was some problem between my parents and her parents. And she had left to Australia along with her parents before ten years. I was waiting for a chance to speak with her.

One day, I received a message in my cell.

The message read:

I am Anandhi. I would be waiting in the ice-cream parlor in the next street at 6:00PM.PS: I would be waiting for you. Don’t reply to this message.

I was taken by surprise.

But I replied: Who is this?

There was no reply at all.

I wanted to give it a try. So I went to the Ice-cream parlor at 5:30 PM itself.

She was already present there.

I went inside the parlor and ordered for a chocolate milkshake with ice-cream and sat in the table exactly opposite to her.

She stared at me. And my cell vibrated.

I never saw her message me. But it was from the same number in which she had sent a message to me. It read:

Why did you come early?

After reading the message, I went to her table.

"I wanted to welcome you", I said. She said, "You are still the same naughty boy Deepak".

"And you are still the same silly little girl Anandhi", I said.

And we were chatting about my past, present, future. Then her past, present and future. We continued to chat till it was 9:00 PM. The parlor would be closed by 9:00 PM. So we had to leave.

This made me very happy. Chatting with her after 10 long years made me very happy.

Then, we started to meet regularly meet in the ice-cream parlor.
It was our favorite place to meet. An ideal place, I would call.

Anandhi has a brother. I had never seen him. He used to live with his parents, while Anandhi was living with her grand parents.

Anandhi said that he would come to her grand parents' home the next day. And she would be glad to introduce him to me.

I was waiting to meet him. I even had a haircut, to look smarter. But strangely, to my surprise he never turned up.

When I asked Anandhi, she said that he was a research mathematician working on 8-dimensional maths and he had some problems in his reasearch. She further added that her brother had sent a very big letter addressed to me.

"Why me?",I asked.

"I will bring the letter today evening. Wait in the parlor Deepu. I think only you can help my brother."

I was waiting in the ice-cream parlor, our usual meeting spot.

But I was caught in a time wrap, as I was waiting.

"Hmmm…. Hmmm…" I heard a voice so familiar to me.

………………………………………………………………………………………………

Read the story again to get the complete meaning.

Do you agree with the title "THE INFINITE LOOP"?


The End


This is a complex story for a first attempt.
Waiting eagerly for your comments.

17 comments:

Abhishek said...

Hey Cool! That story was nice! This story reminds me of the movie Cube.

Deepak said...

I have never seen that movie nor heard of that....
Anyway thanks for your comment...I will try seeing that movie...

Mahesh Chauhan said...

nice post, nice story.......keep it up dear

doikstro said...

nice da..appreciate it ..bt wud ve been bettre if the story was based ona life or death situ..ur story shud end,"we lived happily ever after"

Deepak said...

thanks....
i wanted it to be different from all other stories.....

RAJA said...

Superb first attempt...great read....

Deepak said...

thanks.....

raj said...

good start..
go ahead...

Aravind said...

the time wrap is between 5:00 and the time he finishes the letter, right?

Deepak said...

ya...it is that time....but he never finishes the letter :)

setu said...

very good reading..
u've a nice blog here..

Angelika said...

It reminded me of a Dr. Who episode.

If you've never watched it, The Doctor is a time traveler and in that episode, he gets stuck in the past.

He makes a video of himself answering some questions and then a girl finds it on a DVD in the future. So she's talking to herself (basically) and he's answering her questions on the video tape.

She thinks he's reading her mind.

Anyway, I like stories like this.

You should do more. :-)

Deepak said...

thanks angel...I have never seen or read Dr.Who...
This story was an inspiration from stranger than fiction....
I too wanted to write a story stranger than fiction and here it was...

Dhandapani Devarajan said...

Great story.....

Deepak said...

Thanks anna

arunrays said...

it's cool. it reminds me of "eternal sunshine of the spotless mind".

Deepak said...

people are remembering stuff that i have never heard before... anyway that sounds great!